Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. It is owned by Bandai, Sunrise, and all those other people, and no, I don't have their permission to be doing this and I am gaining no profit by writing this.

Forever
by Ellyr

I was laughing and joking around, of course, the eternal grin plastered on my face, an endless stream of chatter bubbling through my lips. Typical Duo behavior, always the jester, loud and bordering on obnoxious, trying to keep the otherwise overwhelmingly oppressive atmosphere at bay. And Heero -- well, he was being typical Heero, completely silent and totally expressionless, only deigning to acknowledge my more exuberant presence with the occasional toneless "Hn." Not that I really minded. It was something I'd learned to live with by then. Being by myself even when I was with him; it's what's expected when your best friend is the Perfect Soldier. So I was pretty much off in my own world, not really paying attention to anything around me when...Heero kissed me.

Heero kissed me.

Even now, when I am engulfed in so much darkness and my laugh is nothing but bitterness the memory can bring the ghost of a true smile to my lips.

It was sudden, unexpected, wonderful. One second everything was the same as it always was; the next and the world had been turned upside down and inside out, all the rules shattered into so many shards of glass. That was what Heero did for me. Redefined my entire world into something new and full of such hopeful potential that it felt as if anything was possible; for the duration of that one kiss we were free of the endless cycle of death and destruction that had dominated our lives for so long. He freed me, for just that one instant. One golden moment in time.

He pulled away only when we were both about to pass out from lack of oxygen, his Prussian blue eyes staring into my violet ones for a long moment. He was looking at me with a sort of infinite sadness, something that made me feel baffled and hurt. Why would he be sad after something so wonderful...? I reached up to lightly touch his cheek and he covered my hand with his own, still looking at me intently.

"Duo -- gomen nasai."

That was what he said to me. And then he was gone.

I would never see him again.

Because that was the day that Heero Yuy died.

He knew it was a suicide mission but of course that didn't bother him. He always put no value in his own life beyond what purpose it served in his current assignment; if Dr.J told him to slit his own throat in front of the other Gundam pilots he'd do it with no hesitation whatsoever. Heero thought of himself as a weapon, nothing else. And in his mentality weapons are expendable and easily replaced.

So he went off and crashed Wing Zero into the OZ base, effectively immolating himself in a blaze of fire while I watched, frozen in the cockpit of my Gundam.

I'd known that I loved him for a long time. And the day he finally kisses me he goes off and kills himself.

That was the day I lost my smile. Oh, sure, I can still force my lips up into a curve but it's so obviously a lie that there's really no point in doing so. The only thing that's still real to me is Heero.

Wherever I go, whatever I do, I am haunted by the memory of that kiss...the way his lips felt on mine, our breaths mingling, our hearts beating almost in unison...the way he looked at me will remain with me forever.

Forever...

Heero...