NOTES:
Pairing: 1x2
Categories: sap, light angst, yaoi, romance
Rating: R
Warnings: sap, present tense, light angst, romance
Spoilers: none
Notes: /italics/ Heero's POV
Disclaimer: I do not own the g-boys; don't sue, all I have is lots of debt.
Feedback: please

Heaven on a Deserted Beach
by Lily

I'm kneeling in damp, white sand, just a couple feet in front of the shore. Waves continually break over the packed sand and I long to climb to my feet and walk into the ocean, walk in as far and as deep as I can...

...until the water covers my face, closes my nostrils and buries me until I can no longer do anything but attempt to breathe in the liquid blue as it coolly swirls around me.

It isn't that I wish to drown, no, it's more that I yearn for the feel of being consumed by wet cerulean again. Once, I was in love, and I held your hands in mine and kissed the buffed-yet-often broken fingernails and informed you that I loved you -- but it wasn't enough.

I must have uttered the words all wrong, because tears filled your violet eyes and shifted the color to the shade of the sky just before a violent storm. I dropped your hands, still calloused from fighting, and stepped back, away from you. I had shocked you. I had disclosed an emotion I was not supposed to feel for another male. Hell, I had given a voice to the "love that dare not speak its name" [1] and it seemed that I had frightened you, repulsed you with my sentiments.

I turned my back on you, for once too afraid to face head-on what otherwise I would never have ignored. I was so used to having everything go the way I wanted or else I would self-destruct.

You wouldn't let me self-destruct, I remember -- not for the first time.

The breeze blows a little harder and tosses my bangs every which way until I cannot even see the ocean any more. Above me, the sky is overcast, the sand skitters in little clouds under the onslaught of the wind, and I shiver. My short sleeved t-shirt doesn't keep me very warm, not even here on the beach, with gritty sand rubbing ridges into my bare hands. At least it's better than my tank top, I rationalize.

But nothing in my world aligns properly without you in it.

No matter how brightly the sun appears to be shining, everything is gray, cloudy and indistinct. I can walk back to the lonely, empty cottage and sit down on the rocking chair and watch the night as it darkens over the shore.

It's quiet then; even the crickets are barely heard, as if they are hushing themselves in the face of a miracle. Often, as I stare out over the sulky dark water, I wonder what miracle can possibly exist in a world that does not have you in it.

Again the breeze rails against my thin body and I am wracked with more shudders. Goosebumps cover my arms completely and I draw in my breath as hard as I can, trying to keep the sharp sting of the tears within my traitorous eyes. I push my fingers into the dampened sand and slowly drag myself to my feet.

I trudge over the difficult to navigate wet sand until I reach the cottage, then go inside and stare dismally at the countertop. I'd planned this vacation for /us/, not just me by my lonesome. Perhaps if you'd been here you'd have come in hours ago and you'd have cooked something simple but delicious for dinner, and when we were finished eating I could kiss your spiced mouth and lead you back to bed.

I sigh. I've never gotten the chance to even touch your skin for any reason outside of a flimsy pretense. I shrug and wipe as much of the sand off onto the mat as I can, then go into the bedroom, slip on top of the still-made cot and fall asleep.

I am awakened by a curious, most-mournful sound. It's low, sort of like a broken moaning, and it directly undercuts the sound of the ocean as the waves crash over the shore.

I slide off the bed and stand up, then grab a robe and cover myself with it. It's even colder now, the wind off the ocean making everything striking and stark, and the fact that it's early autumn doesn't help matters much.

Outside the cottage's screen door I peer into the silky darkness, wondering just what I've heard and why I would /really/ want to go investigate it. The sand is soaking beneath my hastily thrown on shoes, and I know it was raining earlier in the night. I tiptoe carefully over it, being as quiet as I can, until I am almost ontop of the water itself. The moon looms brightly over the ocean, and as I look closer, I am stopped startled in my tracks.

It's you.

Your fists are pressed up underneath your eyelids, and you're half-sitting, half-kneeling in the soaking wet sand. I can just barely make out that you're wearing jeans, but no shirt, and no shoes. Your hair is unbound and blowing carelessly out to the side, tangled with sea-water and salt, no doubt. It appears that you have been swimming; though why anyone would swim in the darkness and rain I don't know.

Your jeans are saturated with rain and salt water.

I stand still for several moments, just studying you in the dull illumination of the moon. The chestnut of your hair is silvered by this murky light and your slender body is almost -- but never could be to the one who loves you -- unrecognizable. At last, after finally deciphering that the sound I heard is both the sound of you crying and the sound of tears hitting the sand, I begin walking forwards.

As I make my way over to you I see you shiver violently, and I break into a run.

"Duo, Duo -- why did you come back? And why did you ever go away?"

You turn your head and the moon catches and exploits the tear tracks on your perfectly-rounded cheeks.

"Heero, I never left! But when you turned away, I-I didn't know what to say. Except --" you move to get up and I stop you with my hand. I kneel down behind you and quickly remove my robe, wrapping it around your slender bare torso. I allow my arm to linger on your shoulder and I gaze down at your profile. Using my cupped hand I guide your chin upwards towards mine until at last I can drown in the brilliance and depth of your eyes.

"I apologize, Duo, for underestimating you. I should have known you'd never reject me. I should never have doubted you." with words that once would have stuck in my throat -- words I've wished I could say -- I finally get the opportunity I have been craving. I dip my head down and claim your mouth as my own.

The kiss fuses our souls together and I can feel the fire of too-long denied love flare to life within my body.

The intensity of my emotion is almost too great to bear, and a tear manages to escape -- the very first time I have ever cried.

"Heero," you mumble against my questing mouth. I draw back and look down at your parted, moist lips and sigh.

"Yes, my love?"

"I've always loved you, too. You're mine, forever and always." Your tongue shyly licks your lips as you say the words, as if you're tasting me on your mouth.

"Together, forever, in love. I have never loved you more than I do this moment --" and I make love to your mouth again. My fingers weave into your hair -- definitely abused by the ocean -- and I bring handfuls of it to my nose as soon as I pause for breath.

I inhale the sweet scent of fresh rainwater and I smile into the salty strands.

As I hold you as close as I can, at last reunited in love with the one I have desired for so long, the sun bursts over the horizon and sharply highlights the surrounding landscape.

Everywhere there is color -- amethyst, moss-green, and lilac -- and smells assault my nostrils. The beach is a surreal panoramic painting with you as its centerpiece.

We both turn our heads to look out over the ocean which sparkles blindingly and brilliantly.

"I will never leave you again," I vow, and tug you closer.

"There will never be a need," you reply, and lean your head against my chest.

And there is never a moment on earth so perfect and endless as this one.

Rapture.