Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Every Night
by Merula

My lover pushes hard into me, making me cry out, begging, pleading for more. He smiles ferally at my surrender, his long golden brown hair swirling over my skin, his violet eyes gleaming as he watches me beg. He bends down and runs his mouth over the long scratch on my chest, tasting my blood, making me moan. He knows how to play me, knows how to make me do whatever he desires. How did I come to this? How did the Perfect Soldier become Shinigami's lover? His prisoner? His prey?

Every night I conquer the Perfect Soldier. He is my plaything, my possession, my heart, my soul. He forces me to make him live. He twists under me now, crying out as I push deep inside his body. My heart pounds harder as he cries my name, pleads with me to allow his release. I reach down between us and grasp his length in my fingers, tugging hard, making him cry out. His cobalt eyes are half closed in ecstasy, his dark hair lies sweat-soaked against his forehead. He is gorgeous, an angel descended to earth and corrupted by the dark.

He calls my name again and the sound pushes me over the edge. I plunge deep within him, filling him with my darkness. He arches against me, and my fingers grow sticky with his release. He lies panting under me as I lift my fingers to my mouth and taste him. He gasps and I smile as I bend down to lick him clean with my tongue. He's mine. Forever. He's been mine since he came courting me, not so long ago...

"It's been four years already?" Quatre said in a slightly surprised voice. We were in the Preventers cafeteria, having lunch together like we did every Friday.

"Yep," Duo agreed from where he was sitting with his legs on the table, chair tilted at a dangerous angle. "Four years since Mariemaia." He smiled, that beautiful smile that lights up his whole face, and I had to look away before I started longing for things I couldn't have again.

"And there's no sign of the peace ending," Wufei picked up his teacup with a satisfied nod.

"Thank goodness," Trowa added and gave Quatre a smile. I frowned. The others were right. The peace was in place, things were secure. Oh, not secure enough that the Preventers didn't have plenty of work to do, but the threat of war was greatly decreased. And if that was the case, I had one final mission to carry out. One piece of unfinished business.

"Heero? Are you listening?" Duo's cheerful voice finally penetrated my thoughts. I looked up at him to find those violet eyes sparkling at me.

"Hn."

"I thought you'd be happy at the thought of peace lasting this long," Duo looked faintly concerned. "So what's with the frown?"

"It's nothing," I replied, relaxing my features. "I was just... thinking." I couldn't let him know. Even then I guessed that he might try and stop me. I summoned up a smile for him instead and turned back to my lunch. I could start my preparations tomorrow.

The next morning I awoke early and made a few phone calls. Then I went out to visit the bank. By the time I came back, the company I had called was there, picking up all my furniture and the other things I had designated for them to take away. They left me alone in my empty apartment. I looked at my laptop, sitting on the counter, the bags of clothes on the floor. One last task and then -- my time was up. A sudden hard knock at my door startled me. I went to open it, quickly, surprised by the sight of the other person on my doorstep.

I was worried. Heero had acted so oddly yesterday at lunch. He's become a warmer and friendlier person since the war days, but yesterday the Perfect Soldier was the one sitting across the table from me. I thought that side of Heero was gone. It had been a rude shock to see that non-expression on his face. It worried me. Something was wrong -- Heero shouldn't look like that anymore. I strolled down the street, hands in my pockets, wondering if I was simply overreacting.

I didn't care if I was. Heero was important to me -- hell, he was my world. Not that I would ever tell him that. I decided to go check on him, just to ease my mind and maybe tease my reluctant friend into confiding in me. I knew I had a better chance than anyone.

I reached his apartment and had to jump out of the way of two guys wrestling a sofa across the sidewalk and into a waiting truck. A very familiar sofa -- one that I had spent plenty of time watching movies or playing video games on. What the hell? I looked at the truck and noted the logo. Salvation Army? Heero was finally getting rid of the ratty thing? I had teased him about it enough. My eyes went to the back of the truck and I recognized a familiar chair, a lamp, a table.... I turned and dashed into Heero's building. Something was seriously wrong. All of Heero's furniture was in that truck. Why was he giving away his things? Panic rose in me and I fought to control it. There had to be a logical explanation for this. Right?

I pounded on his door and he opened it a minute later. He was wearing jeans and a green tank top -- so similar to what he had worn back in the old days that it took me a minute to find my voice.

"Duo? What are you doing here?" My breath caught at the sight of him. He was wearing black jeans and a black T-shirt and for a moment it took me back to the wars. I always liked him in black. Duo looked over my shoulder at the bare apartment.

"Heero, what the hell is going on? I saw the truck downstairs. Why did you give all your furniture away?"

"It's a mission," I replied and stood to the side to let Duo in. "I'm glad you came by. It will be easier."

"What will be easier? What kind of mission involves getting rid of all your stuff?" I walked over to the laptop, closed it down and shut the top.

"I want you to have this -- despite your hatred of it." I handed Duo the laptop. His mouth fell open. I could guess why -- I had never even let him touch the damn thing before.

"You're going on a mission without this? You're giving it away?" His hands tightened on the laptop as his eyes searched mine.

"I don't need it anymore." I felt my mouth curve in a slight smile. "Take good care of it for me, okay?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Heero -- what kind of mission did Une give you?"

"Dr. J." Duo blinked.

"Huh?"

"Dr. J gave me this mission." I explained. Duo took a step back, eyeing me warily.

"Heero, that creepy guy is dead, you know that, right?"

"Of course, Duo. He gave me this mission before he died. It's my last one." I reached out and tugged on Duo's braid. "I've got to go. Take care of yourself, baka." He blinked at me.

"Heero -- what is your mission?" I was already at the door, back turned to Duo. "Tell me!" I couldn't ignore the pleading note in his voice.

"The world no longer needs the Perfect Soldier." I closed the door behind me and moved quickly to the access stairs. I could hear Duo yelling out into the hall behind me -- but the sound of his feet traveled in the opposite direction of mine. I could make it out before he caught me.

"Heero? HEERO! Damn you, answer me!" He couldn't do this to me! I wouldn't let him do this to me! I bolted down the hallway as fast as I could go. I reached the elevator in record time, heart pounding. It was still on this floor -- Heero hadn't taken it downstairs. Then where the hell had he gone? I turned and bolted back to the stairs. I swung open the door and leaned out over the railing. No footsteps echoed in the stairwell. Had he gone down this way? A glimmer caught my eye and I looked up. Natural light flooded the staircase from above. The door to the roof was open. Oh shit, he wouldn't... My heart raced as I bolted up the stairs.

I leaned on the ledge of the building looking down into the street below. This side of the building faced an alley. No one was in the alley at this time of day, so I wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone else. The ledge itself was about 4 feet high, an easy climb.

I was glad Duo had stopped by -- I had wanted to see the baka one last time. I hoped Duo would take good care of the laptop and not shoot it full of holes as he had sworn to do more than once. I smiled faintly. Even if he did, I wouldn't be around to see it. I reached up and pulled myself onto the ledge.

Finally, I made it the top of the staircase. What the hell kind of game is he playing? Oh gods! He's on the ledge. Damn Doctor J! When I saw him in hell I was going to kill him all over again. "Heero!" I snapped, moving as quickly as I could to the ledge before he looked around at me. "What the hell are you doing? You get off that dammed ledge right now!"

I looked over my shoulder at the sound of that voice. Duo stood a few feet away, frowning ferociously at me. I turned and sat down on the ledge facing him.

"Duo, what are you doing here?"

"My best friend is about to throw himself off a building and I plan on stopping him." Duo replied angrily, stepping forward a bit. "What the hell do you think?"

"Duo. I have to do this. J ordered..."

"Screw what J ordered! J is dead!" Duo's eyes had turned to a cold hard violet; they were nearly glowing with fury. "You are doing this because for some fucking stupid reason, you want to die!" He took a few more steps until he was standing by my feet.

"I don't want to die, Duo. I have to. J said that when the peace was solid, the time of the Perfect Soldier would be over. I would be obsolete and unnecessary..."

"Unnecessary?" His voice was icy cold. "And you believe that?"

"J told me so," I tried.

"And so it must be the truth!" Duo threw back his head and growled in fury. I had never seen him so angry. My laughing cheerful friend was gone as if he had never been. I didn't know this Duo.

"Duo, J never led me wrong before." If he wasn't on the ledge of the building I would've decked Heero for that comment. "If he said I wasn't safe..."

"Oh, yes, J was always right wasn't he? To take a child and turn him into the Perfect Soldier? To order you to self-destruct Wing? Yeah, you're right. J knew everything!" I yelled at him, furious that he was actually going to kill himself because that demented freak had ordered him to.

"Duo, please..." Heero's eyes fixed on me, his expression a mixture of sadness and worry. Then the 'Perfect Soldier' gained control again, and that beautiful face hardened. "This doesn't concern you..."

I saw red. I felt the cold anger began to curl around my bones, felt the despair, hatred and pain of Shinigami rise inside me. I looked at the man standing before me and I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to make him scream. I wanted to make him feel as awful as I felt.

Tell Shinigami that death didn't concern him? I almost laughed as I felt my face settle into the cold mask. The Perfect Soldier had a lot to learn.

And oh -- I was going to enjoy teaching him.

Duo reached up and grabbed my belt. In a move I didn't see coming, he pitched me forwards, tossing me onto the hard surface of the roof. I managed to catch myself before my face hit the concrete, turning over to look at him in shock.

"You want to die so badly?" He stalked towards where I was sprawled on the concrete. "You should've asked me for help. I am Shinigami, after all." Dressed in his familiar black, his braid swishing like the tail of some great cat, his eyes that hard angry violet, he did look like some vengeful god. He was so very beautiful. He reached me and bent down, striking me hard across the face. I stared up at him in shock.

"Duo?"

"Fight me. If you win, Shinigami will permit you to die. If you lose -- your life is mine." I struggled to my feet, still in shock. He lunged at me, hands outstretched, and I found myself fighting for my life.

He hadn't expected my attack. I moved quicker than he knew I could move and it threw him off guard. A quick sweep with my foot put him off balance enough for me to land a series of quick jabs to his left side. Score, I managed to strike the nerve center in his left arm. It hung uselessly by his side. His face settled into perfect mode. I can see his eyes seek an opening. Good luck, Perfect Soldier or not, he won't be able to beat me. I am determined to win. I must win. Heero will be mine -- one way or another.

Damn! I hadn't realized Duo could be that fast. He managed to hit a nerve center in my left arm in that first attack, making it useless. I bruised his cheek with a punch, and tried for a roundhouse kick, but his lighting fast hand smashed my anklebone and I felt my left ankle give way. Tiger-fast he sprang on my back and he knocked me to the ground.

I lost. I found myself pinned underneath him, face down, his hands holding my arms behind me, his body leaning against mine.

"You fight well," his voice murmured in my ear. "But I don't think your heart is truly in it." I could feel his heat, the pounding of his heart against my back.

"I won't lose," I gasped back. He bent down and his teeth fastened themselves into the side of my neck, making me shudder. How had Duo beaten me?

"You're mine." I shuddered again at the sound of his voice. This was not my idiot friend Duo, this was Shinigami. "No one has ever beaten death. You've lost already."

I laughed triumphantly. A simple squeeze of my thighs made my soldier groan. He was powerless! He was mine! My heart was racing and I could feel the blood pounding my veins as I tasted him. His skin was salty with sweat and I could smell his uncertainty, his fear. I slid my lips up, catching his earlobe in my teeth and he shivered underneath me. Pretty toy -- Shinigami was going to enjoy playing with you. So very much...

One of Duo's hands reached down to my waist and pulled my tank top over my head in one swift movement. He bound my hands behind my back tightly with my shirt.

"No..." I tried to struggle, but I was exhausted. I tried to push him off, but he only laughed at me. I only managed to push myself into a half crouching position, precariously balanced. He was still on top of me. I froze when the knife blade touched my throat. "You can't use that on me -- unless you want me dead," I panted.

A shiver of expectation ran down my spine.

His struggles were getting weaker, as if he knew it was useless. Once Shinigami has gotten a hold of someone, there is no escape. He was mine already. I let the knife press deeper into the side of his throat, letting a trickle of blood slide down the blade. Slowly and deliberately I licked the wound, letting my tongue linger on his skin. He shivered beneath me once again.

It was hard to breathe. Duo was licking my blood off my throat and all I could do was shiver under his touch. What was he doing to me? "So fierce," his breath touched my ear, one of his hands reached up to caress my hair. "There's more than one way to use this." The flat of the blade slipped down my throat and across my stomach. I heard a tiny ripping sound and suddenly a button rolled into my line of sight.

"No..." My throat had tightened. What was Shinigami doing? I felt his hand slip down past the waistband of my loosened jeans. "Please..."

"Please?" His voice mocked even as his long cold fingers caressed my length. "I won, little soldier. You are mine." My body responded even as my voice protested.

"I haven't lost..." He laughed and his fingers tightened on me and I gasped. Fire shot through my veins and I moaned involuntarily at the touch of his hands.

"Yes, you have." His other hand moved swiftly and my jeans were pulled down, leaving me exposed to his caresses. His hands roamed over my body, touching me everywhere, leaving aching skin in their wake. "You like this, don't you, my little soldier?" He flipped me over onto my back, his hand tugging at me as his mouth covered mine. I couldn't resist him. I gave myself willingly to his kisses, arched my body up into his touch.

Oh gods! The small part of me that was still Duo wailed. What was I doing? I ran my hands over Heero and watched as that body I had wanted for so long reacted to my touch. Shinigami laughed and bent down to taste Heero. I ran my tongue down the side of his throat, nipping at the juncture between neck and shoulder. He moaned, and the sound shot through me, igniting my blood.

I moved my mouth down his chest, lapping at his nipples, watching them harden. I bit down gently, and won another moan. As my mouth teased him, my hand was reaching down between us. I wrapped my hand around his aroused length and tugged gently. My own erection was aching, trapped in my jeans, longing to be touched. I moved my mouth back up to his and licked his lips until he opened them for me. I slipped my tongue inside his mouth, tangled it with his, tasted him. He was moaning, whimpering, his body twisting beneath mine, pushing his hips against me pleadingly, longing for Shinigami's touch. He was mine.

He pulled back slightly when I was panting with desire, his eyes darkened to a deep purple.

"Who do you belong to?" He purred.

"Shinigami...." I managed. He smiled, pleased with me.

"What do you want?"

"Whatever you want..." His smile widened and he slid his hands beneath my hips, tilting me up towards him. He bent down and his tongue slid teasingly down my length, making me moan. I was hard, straining towards him, desperate to feel all of his mouth, wanting his touch. His tongue slid up and down, lapping at me, tasting and taunting. After long agonizing minutes of this pleasurable torture, he stopped teasing me and took all of my cock into his mouth.

Heero practically screamed as I swallowed him and I delighted in the sound. I sucked on him gently, inflaming his senses, making him push against me, his body clearly desiring more.

A part of me hated myself for doing this to Heero. He hadn't consented to it, no matter what his reaction was to my touch. But that small voice was drowned out by the rest of me, the parts that had burned to possess the soldier, to make him mine. My hands closed convulsively on his thighs, digging into the skin as I worked him harder, increasing his moans and sighs. I swallowed him deeply, aroused by the feeling of his taste, by his hips pushing against me. I wanted more. I wanted all of Heero, and he was going to give himself to me.

As Duo's mouth tormented me, his fingers slid into me, one at a time, damp with his saliva. The feel of them invading me as his mouth pleasured me made me twist in his grasp, made me begin to plead with him. "Please, please... don't stop...oh Duo, please..." I don't know what I said as his fingers stretched me, as his mouth tormented me. My body was on fire and I only knew that I wanted Duo.

His mouth left my cock and moved up my body even as his fingers were making me writhe.

"I love hearing you beg," he murmured in my ear. Suddenly, his fingers pulled out of me and I whimpered with their loss. I opened my eyes and saw his eyes nearly glowing above me. His length brushed against my opening, somehow slick and I whimpered again.

"Take me," I pushed against him, wanting him inside of me, wanting to be his. Shinigami smiled ferally, and gripped me tightly.

"Take me," Heero begged me again, pushing his hips against mine. Oh gods, this had to be a dream. The Perfect Soldier begging me to fuck him? I had made him do this, my better part screamed. I had forced him into responding to me. I shouldn't do this. I should stop, pull away. Apologize... But he was warm and pliant under my hands, his hips grinding into mine as he begged me over and over to take him, and I could do nothing but obey him.

Death pushed himself into me, a combination of pleasure and pain that made me arch up into his embrace. His eyes were half-closed, his head tilted backwards, a smile on his lips. He was so very beautiful.

He was gentle at first, his thrusts slow and deep, making me moan. Then his eyes darkened, his smile got tighter and he changed his pace, taking me brutally, making me cry out. I raised my hips into his thrusts, wanting him in deeper. He obliged me, pushing in as hard as he could, his hips rocking against mine. I was hot, flushed at his touch, my senses dizzied and overloaded. Then those long cool fingers twisted around me again, teasing my length and I exploded. He came a moment later, filling me as his mouth claimed mine again. Darkness crept up the edges of my vision and I blacked out.

I pulled myself away from Heero and looked down at what I had done. He lay in a tangle of clothes, sweaty, sticky, and simply gorgeous. I brushed my lips across his cheek gently. I rose to my feet and straightened my clothes using my boxers to clean myself up. I cleaned Heero up a bit with my now-ruined boxers, and redressed him as well. I went to the ledge of the building and looked down.

Maybe I should jump. I had just effectively raped my best friend. Yes, Heero had pleaded with me to take him, but only after I had driven him insane with my touch. I had forced him, no matter how I had done it. I hadn't wanted to take Heero like that. I had wanted him for ages, but not like this!

Turning, I looked at Heero lying asleep on the roof. The breeze ruffled his bangs; and his face, relaxed in sleep, was peaceful. There was even a smile on those tempting lips.

If I jumped off the roof, Heero would too. There would be no one to stop him from carrying out J's mission. Heero needed me to hold him to life -- even if he didn't know it. And I would hold him to life -- even if he hated me for it. I would not stand by and let another of my loved ones die. Not when I could stop it.

I awoke sometime later, aware that the surface I was laying on was cold and hard. I blinked my eyes open and found myself fully clothed, stretched out on my back on the roof.

"Awake?" I turned to look at the violet-eyed man leaning against the edge of the roof, legs stretched out in front of him, braid dancing in the wind. I sat up, my muscles stiff with the effort. "I was thinking you'd never wake up."

It was Duo, not Shinigami, who was grinning at me as I got to my feet. I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed.

"My mission," I started, not sure what I was going to say and suddenly it was Shinigami glaring at me from Duo's eyes.

"I won," he reminded me coolly. "Now is not the time for a rematch."

"But there will be one," I told him.

"Of course," his eyes flashed at me. "Until then, you're mine." The cold look vanished and it was Duo, my Duo, who moved away from the edge of the building and took my arm. He chattered at me about how happy he was that I had decided to move in with him, how easy it made everything since we only had to move my clothes and laptop, how great a time we would have being roommates. I let him lead me back down the stairs and into life.

Sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it all. When we're having lunch with the guys, or working on a case, I look at the bright cheerful man across from me and see no sign of the darkness within him. I only see Duo. My partner, my beloved friend, the one I gave my heart to before I even knew I had one to give.

Then we go home to our apartment and lock the door behind us, and our struggle begins. Every night I fight for my freedom. Every night I lose, and Shinigami claims more of my soul. More of my life. More of my heart.

I don't think I want to win.

I pause in front of the apartment door, a step behind Heero, flicking my braid over my shoulder, preparing for the battle I knew was awaiting me. Every night I have to fight to save my love, my Perfect Soldier. Every night I have to beat him, take him against his will, force him to live, force him to be mine. Every night. Would it ever end? Would he ever simply accept the life, the love, I offered him? I smiled in anticipation as Heero turned the key in the lock.

Did I really want him to?