{I'm just in a deep isolated blue ocean}

The screeching sound of the subway train coming to a halt woke me.

It's kinda funny; I don't remember falling asleep.

The pungent smell of body odor and cigarette smoke shook my senses and brought me back to reality. Sitting up form my leant over position, I rubbed my eyes examining my surroundings.

Everyone was either exiting or entering.

Checking the signs on the brick walls in the terminal, I realized that this was my stop. What a perfect time to wake up, right?

I looked down at my feet in search of my bag and.....wait, I know it was here. It's a black leather bag. It has all of my work in it! I always remember to bring it with me before I go leave or go to work. Maybe I just forgot to grab it and left it at my desk.

Yeah, that's it......I just forgot.

I quickly scooted my way through the flow of people before the doors trapped me inside the portable sardine can. I then proceeded to the main floor to begin the process of getting home.

[I DON'T KNOW HOW mae ni susumuzu (tachidomatte)]

{I don't know how to move forward (I'm at a standstill)}

For some odd reason, I feel strange.....like something isn't right.

My first instinct is to think of Heero, my boyfriend/lover/soul mate/all-the-above. I usually can tell if something is wrong with him. Even when we are not together. We are emotionally connected to each. It's almost hard to explain. So, with him in mind, I go to reach for my cell phone........

Wait just a damn minute! This is a conspiracy! My phone is gone, too! It's a black and red Samsung Blast! That mother fucker was new! I can't believe I lost it! Shit!! I looked around my feet to see if maybe it fell out of my pocket, but I didn't see it anywhere. Maybe I put it in my leather bag, although I've never put it in there before. Anyway......

I continued my journey to the upper floor. I'm really feeling weird now. That's strike two for me: my bag and my phone. As I make my way up the ramps of the hallways and stairs, it seems like I am transparent; everyone was bumping into me like I wasn't even there.

"Excuse you, Barbie." I said to a tall blonde wearing too much make-up and a too-small-for-her skirt who almost stepped on my precious toes with her patent leather stiletto high heels. Of course I received no response from her, I mean, why would I? I would have to have been "special", right? Yeesh.

Recovering from my dodge of the walking Mattel product, I swung my long braid back over my shoulder and continued my march for higher ground. When I reached it, I made good on finding the main entrance doors.

[Hagare ochiteiku itsuwari no kakera
Nigiri, tsubushite, shitatari no ochiru BLOOD]

{I'm coming off downhill, fragments of deceit
I was grasped and crushed, the dripping blood fell}

So after finally getting out of the subway station, of what seemed like a 20 mile hike, I found myself staring at the bustling city that Heero and I call "home". I tried queuing for a taxi but they seemed to treat me they same way everyone at the subway did. So.....I ended up walking to my apartment. And, man, was that a long walk.

When I reached my apartment that I shared with Heero, after the day I had, all I wanted to do was to get in, kick off my shoes, and find myself in his arms. He has this incredible way to make me forget all of my frustrations. It's like they just peel off when he holds me. Nothing compares to it.

I dug into my pockets to my find my keys and lo' and behold......pocket lint. No keys.

Strike three.

This sick joke was getting old very quickly. Somebody in that fucking subway station had to have robbed me while I was asleep. It was the only explanation that made sense. I never put my keys in that damn bag....I never put my phone in that damn bag....and I sure as hell have never forgot that damn bag!!!!!! No bag, no phone, no keys.....what's next? It can't get any better than this.

I knocked on the door to see if Heero would let me in. "Heero, It's me. I forgot my keys. Let me in, man." I said speaking through the door directly in front of me. When he didn't answer me, I spoke again getting a bit louder. "Heero, let me in! It's Duo!" I still received no response. I suddenly remembered the spare key we left for each other (in such cases like this one) underneath the loose metal plank in front of the door. After retrieving the key, I opened the door and entered, calling for him. "Hey, Heero, are you here?" I closed the door behind me and placed the key on the small table by the door. I then made a tour around the apartment seeing if he was just couldn't hear me or something. His absence was quite obvious when I had returned to the place I started. I was just curious I guess.

I walked to our bedroom and stripped myself of my necktie and shoes and sprawled out over our comfortable bed. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly trying to let out all my irritations from the day out with it. As I laid there staring at the ceiling reminding myself of the shitty day I just had, I had this sudden sharp pain that hit me in the head along with a horrible vision: I was on my hands and knees, bleeding from my nose and mouth, my face was bruised, breathing heavily, and staring at the shoes of my attacker. I couldn't see anything else about his appearance except for his ugly brown shoes. The whole vision itself was freaky. I sat up and shook myself of my thoughts, trying to break the scene on display in my mind.

[DARK IN MY MIND boku wa yowasa ni kakureta]

{Dark in my mind I'm weak and isolated}

Just then, I heard the front door open. Heero must be home. I scooted myself off the bed and made my way to the door to meet him. "Hey, baby." I said, stretching as I turned the corner of the hallway. "Where've you been? It's --"I cut myself off after seeing his face and the faces of Trowa and Quatre, who walked in with him. Heero looked like hell. His face was pale, eyes were red and swollen, and clothes were a wreck.

"Are you gonna be ok here tonight?" Quatre asked him, "You know you are more than welcome to come and stay with me and Trowa."

"I know. Thank you, but I would rather be home." Heero told him, his voice a bit shaky.

"Ok." Quatre pulled him into a tight hug, "We love you. Call me if you need me."

"I will." He responded as he pulled out of the embrace." 'Night, guys. Thanks."

"Good night, Heero." Trowa said as he took hold of Quatre's hand. Quatre nodded at Heero before they turned and walked out. Heero quietly closed the door behind them. He then leaned with his back against the door, slid down, and buried his face in his bent knees.

The closer I walked toward him, more of his body and features I could decipher. "Heero, are you ok?" I looked down at him and took particular notice of his shoulders; they were shaking.

Heero was sobbing.

[Deguchi no nai kunou kakae
kawaita sekai tatazunderu]

{There's no way out, I embrace my agony
A dry world, I paused}

"Baby, what happened? Are you alright?" I asked kneeling down in front of him. "Talk to me." I've never seen him like this. We have lived and fought in war twice, but he has never cried like this. The sounds of his crying were saddening.

"Why?" he spoke in between sobs. "Why did you leave me?"

" 'Leave you'?" I asked, "I never left you."

"It's not fair, Duo." He cried into the thick denim covering his knees, "I can't do this without you."

"What are you talking about? I'm right here." I reached out to touch his arm and as soon as it made contact, he jerked backwards in what seemed like shock. I flew backwards on my ass at his quick reaction. "Heero?"

He rubbed the spot on his arm that I touched, "Duo?" he asked with a completely confused look on his face. He scanned the room acting like he was in search or something......or someone.

The last thought, for some reason, sounded about right. In reluctance, I leaned forward and waved a hand in Heero's face.

He didn't notice it.

As I was staring at him, my peripheral vision picked up a black void next to the spot where Heero sat.

[Kokoro fukaku kareta kanjou SEEK IN DARK
HERE IS NO LIGHT]

{As I seek in the dark, my heart has a deep withering feeling
Here is no light}

[Yume no hazama samayoi tsuzuke
DARKNESS ON MY EYES]

{A rifted dream, wandering continually
Darkness on my eyes}

It was the black leather bag I "forgot" at work, with spots on it that looked like blood.

Panicking, I gasped and stood up frantically, stepping back away from him. "Heero, look at me." I said.

No response.

"Heero, please look at me!" I got a little louder, pleading for just at least a glance.

Nothing.

"HEERO!!!!" I yelled, my own tears starting to form as my panic increased." LOOK AT ME!!!" I demanded.

Heero then stood up and walked right by me and in to the bathroom. He filled the sink with water and began splashing is face in an attempt to wake himself. After a few good splashes, he propped his arms up on the counter and leaned against the sink and stared at his wet reflection.

"Heero, can you hear me?" I asked in another attempt to get his attention after following him to the bathroom. When I, yet again, received no response, I felt my anger and confusion rise through my blood pressure. Frustrated from his ignorance, I stuck my hand in the sink full of water and flung a handful across his chest and neck. Bull's-eye.

Heero jumped back and hit the wall directly behind him. Voice shaking and chest heaving, he asked, "Duo? Are you here?"

This is not happening.......I don't understand.

[kinou kyou mo asu mo mienai
kotae wo sagashite]

{Yesterday, today, tomorrow, I can't see it
Searching for answers}

[boku wa... boku wa... ittai doko e to
ikeba ii no]

{My... My... where is my body?
Is it enough, if I go?}

"If you're here..." he walked over to the bathtub and turned on the hot water at full blast before finishing. "...prove it." His request, for me, made sense. I always take my shower before him in the mornings. Before I left the bathroom, after my shower, I would always write something in the mirror for him. Whether it was something stupid, like "Don't slip!" or something as simple as an "I love you", what was just something I did; it was something he always smiled about.

I waited for the mirror to fog up before taking any action. When it fully fogged, I started finger-writing on the sweaty mirror. As my sentences formed, his eyes got wider and his jaw slacked more. He read my completed sentences aloud after I punctuated them. "What's going on? Why can't you see me?"

"Duo?" He asked his eyes full of disbelief and confusion. Taking a large gulp of air, he continued, "You were murdered."

"DEAD?!" I wrote in bold letters on the mirror.

"Yeah, Duo, dead."

'I can't be dead. It's not possible' I thought to myself. 'I feel very much alive.' I brought my hands up to my face and flipped them a few times. 'I'm not see-through.' I ran to bedroom and violently swung the closet door revealing a full-length mirror..... with no reflection.

Following the noise, Heero ran into the bedroom with me, standing by the bed. "What are you doing?"

"This is not happening!! This is not happening!!" I repeated, my tears flowing freely down my face no longer in confinement. I reached out slowly and lightly touched the mirror in front of me that showed the reflection behind me.....but not me.

[Sotto sawattara sugu ni (kowareru)]

{Immediately I touched you in secret (I was broken)}

[Mujou na yasashisa nado iranai (uso tsuite)]

{No way this is gentle impermanence, I don't need this (tell me lies)}

I turned around to see Heero staring at me, or rather the blank mirror behind me. I walked up to him and placed my hands on his face. He flinched at the touch before relaxing. "Your hands are so cold." He told me. I watched as more of his salty tears fell from his closing eyes. Their warm feeling caressed my fingers as they slid down his cheeks. I'm not sure how he knew I was touching him, he just knew.

"I want to hold you again, so bad." He said, his voice slowly cracking.

"Me, too." I said to him but I know he can't hear me.

This is not fair, but it makes so much sense. The absence of my personal belongings, the fact that no one noticed me.....the fact that Heero didn't notice me. It all made perfect sense.

All of a sudden, I get this sharp pain in my head that seemed shredding, like from earlier but worse. I dropped to the floor at Heero's feet and grabbed a hold of my aching head, wailing as the pain seared through every direction the cavity possessed. The whole room seemed to spin, yet stay the same. Things seemed to distort, yet remained the same.

I looked up at Heero and noticed that his breathing had quickened as puffs of air could be seen. He shivered as the temperature dropped and embraced him. He rubbed his arms with the opposing hands trying to create friction as his teeth started chattering. "Duo, are you still here?" He asked, his voice growing hoarse from the dry air. He seemed wobbly; unstable. Quick draws of breath became slow, deep breaths. His eyelids fluttered before his eyes finally gave out. "Duo...." I heard him breathe my name before I heard a loud thud.

Heero collapsed.

[Omoi kokoro no tobira shimeta mama]

{The door remains closed to my heavy heart}

[Iki mo dekizu mogaki kurushinderu}

{I struggle to breathe with the suffering injury}

"Heero!" I yelled, trying to crawl to side, but my pain was increasing with every move I made. I leaned over him to see if he was ok. He was still breathing. Thank God. "Wake up!" I called to him out of instinct, not remembering or caring that he couldn't hear me. My own voice was the last thing I heard before I laid beside him, my pain paralyzing me. As another sharp stab of pain in my head screamed for attention, visions began to unfold.....

I threw my black bag over my shoulder as I clocked myself out and then went out the back employee entrance door of the office complex where I worked. I closed the door behind me and made my way through the employee parking lot and out on the street crosswalk, in search of my shortcut through an alleyway to get to a subway station entrance. As I whistled gingerly, I started having this strange feeling; like I was being watched or followed. I know that feeling from anywhere. I quickened my pace, and ceased my whistling. The summer brings out all kinds of crazy people, so I kept an eye out while I walked.

I turned the corner into the alley that marked my shortcut and turned around to see if I could see this alleged person I thought was following me, but I didn't see anyone. As I turned back around, I bumped into a tall man with a blue shirt. I definitely knew it was blue because I had a face-full of it when we collided. Between the dark night and the shadows of the alley, his profile, other than his shirt, was concealed.

[I JUST boku wa ima morosa ni hitaru yo]

{Now I just fragilely soak in this}

[Zaiaku no egoizumu de]

{My crime of egoism}

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see you!" I said pulling away from him. "I was moving kinda fast to avoid someone. I think I'm being followed." I explained, talking a-mile-a-minute trying to explain myself.

I froze as leaned in close to me and put his mouth up to my ear. I could feel his breath on my earlobe as he spoke softly, "You are."

I felt my heart hit my feet.

He reached up and took a hold of my shoulders, gripping them like a vice. Before I knew it, a second attacker behind me slipped a plastic bag over my head. Out of reflex, I bucked and kicked wildly and finally nailed Attacker #1 in the crotch. The force from the bucking and the kick combined caused me and Attacker #2 to fall backwards. When we hit the floor, I managed to get the bag off my head. I took a deep, satisfying breath of air as the plastic bag released me. I tried crawling away; I couldn't get up all the way because the lack of air left me so dizzy.

On my hands and knees, I made it to my leather satchel that I dropped during the struggle. When I tried to pick it up, when I noticed Attacker #1 standing in front of me. I tried to brace for impact, but failed when his foot made contact with my face, breaking my jaw. I cried out in pain from my face as I hit the floor again.

"You fucking freak!!!" he cursed at me as he kicked me again, but this time in the stomach. Attacker #2 was next in the game. He rolled me on my back and sat on top of me, alternating fists as he assaulted my face. My hands kept trying to protect myself as I screamed, but turned it out to be a useless effort. Because they couldn't protect my face, I turned them on him, pounding and scratching at any part of him I could reach.

[Takaku habamu yami no toride SEEK IN DARK
HERE IS NO LIGHT]

{I seek in the dark to block the high fortress of darkness
Here is no light}

[Hitomi tojite hohoenderu
DARKNESS ON MY EYES]

{I closed my eyes and smiled
Darkness on my eyes}

"Alright, let's finish this." I heard Attacker #1 say and then the man on top of me stopped hitting me.

"Wait! Please!" I shouted, "What do you want from me?!"

"Revenge, you OZ asshole!!" Attacker #2 exclaimed before spitting on me.

"You've..." *cough* "...got it..." *cough, cough* "all wrong!!" The blood in the back of my mouth was getting too thick to swallow. "I..." *cough, cough* "....was a gundam pilot!!" *cough* I rolled to my side the best I could and coughed up the blood in my throat, spitting it out on my black bag that lay next to my head when my mouth couldn't hold no more.

"Did I say you could do that?! "Attacker #2 slapped me, rolling me back to my original position between his legs. He leaned forward and got face-to-face with me. "I know your kind." He said, "Always deceiving somebody. Well you aren't fooling me!" He reached behind into his back pocket and flipped open a switch blade.

I panicked, scrambling to get up from underneath him. As the dangerously armed hand came down, I grabbed it with both of my hands and held the weapon up the best I could. Attacker #1 turned around and walked to the end of the alley way to make sure that we were without the company of spectators. While he searched, I managed to get Attacker #2 off of me during our struggled and took his knife in the process. Attacker #1, having heard his partner's yelp, came running back. I rolled over just in time for him to have stopped right in front of me. I took the knife and jabbed it in his foot. The knife made a satisfying crunch as it cleared through leather, skin, and rubber along with the scream from him that it produced.

[Oremagatte kanjou boku wo jama shiteirunda]

{This feeling of bending and breaking, it's bothering me}

[Boku wa... Boku wa... kotae mienai
zetsubou no naka]

{I... I... I can't find the answers, I'm in despair}

I managed to get to my feet and started running. Just as I reached the end of the alley, I was stopped by a sharp pain in my back. I stood there a moment before realizing that Attacker #1 had thrown the knife at me. I slumped to my knees, moaning from the pain: my muscles hurting from struggling, my face hurting from fists, and my back hurting from a knife wound. Attacker #1 limped his way over to me and stood in front of me.

I bend over in a table-top position on my hands and knees. All I could think about was Heero.

Remembering his beautiful face...
The way he smelled...
The way he tasted...
The way he held me...
The way he kissed me...
The way he loved me...
How much I loved him still...

"Heero." It was all I could manage to get out as I stared at the shoes of my assailant, knowing very well the fate he had planned for me. I looked up from his brown shoes to the .33 caliber pistol he held in my face. I stood to where I was standing on my knees, the gun now pointed at my chest. As soon as I closed my eyes, I heard the gun go off twice. I never felt a thing.

[Raindrops fall from heaven
I couldn't remember
They took my misery
It's raining in my heart
My stupid broken heart
Baby, please don't go
no lights, no sound]

"Doctor, he's got one stab wound to the back and two GSW's to the chest, both with exit wounds." I heard someone say. I can't see anything, but my body feels like it's on fire.

Then the pain just went away.

"He's not responding!"

"He's in v-fib!!"

"Grab a crash cart!!"

"Asystole!! Doctor, he just flat-lined!!!"

[Deguchi no nai, kunou kakae
kawaita sekai tatazunderu]

{There's no way out, I embrace my agony
A dry world, I paused}

"I'm ready for the family." A medical examiner said signaling to his assistant.

The assistant opened the morgue's door and motioned to someone(s) in the waiting area. Four people walked in.

It was Heero, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei. They walked toward the sheet covered body in the middle of the room.

"Are you his family?"

"Yes." Quatre said wiping away a tear that fell near the corner of his mouth. With his free hand, he took a hold of Trowa's hand and laced their fingers together. Trowa and Wufei stood on either side of Heero. Wufei was rubbing comforting circles on Heero's back. Heero looked like he wasn't ready for what was next.

"Are you ready to see the body?" The medical examiner asked.

They all nodded except for Heero. He took a couple of deep breaths before being the last to nod.

The medical examiner gently pulled the white covering back to expose the body of the man that Heero loves.

Quatre buried his face in Trowa's chest as his emotions took over. Trowa and Wufei's eyes teared up at the sight of their dear friend on the cold steel table. Heero looked shocked, numb, and everything in between. Tears fell from his face like running water. As he walked toward the table where his lover lay, his knees almost gave out causing Trowa and Wufei to hold him up. When he reached the table with the help of his two friends, he reached out brushed the cheek of the man he loved.

[Kokoro fukaku kareta kanjou SEEK IN DARK HERE IS NO LIGHT]

{As I seek in the dark, my heart has a deep withering feeling
Here is no light} [Yume no hazama samayoi tsuzuke
DARKNESS ON MY EYES]

{A rifted dream wandering continually
Darkness on my eyes}

"Is this Duo Maxwell?" the medical examiner asked.

"Yes, it is." Wufei said. "Come on, Heero, let's get you home." He tugged on Heero's shoulder.

"It's not home without him. "Heero said staring at Duo's body. "He is what made it home."

"We will contact you when we are ready to release his body." The assistant explained.

"Thank you." Heero said reaching down and grabbing Duo's hand. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of it and whispered softly, "I love you."

[Kinou kyou mo asu mo mienai
kotae wo sagashite]

{Yesterday, today, tomorrow, I can't see it
Searching for answers}

[Boku wa... boku wa... ittai doko e to
ikeba ii no]

{My... My... where is my body?
Is it enough, if I go?}

"AAAAHHHHH!!! OH SHIT!!!" I yelled abruptly sitting up in bed. I moaned grabbing my head; I had a massive migraine.

Heero, having heard the commotion, woke up and sat up next to me. "What the hell happened? Are you alright?"

"Shit. I had the weirdest dream." I realized what I just said. A dream. I'm not really dead. I looked next to me. "You can see me?"

"Yes, I can." He said giggling. "You are wearing a red tank top and your hair his coming out of its braid from sleep." He said a-matter-of-factly before leaning over and placing a kiss on a spot of exposed skin of my shoulder.

"Oh, thank God!!!" I cried lying down, pulling Heero down with me. "Hold me." I said snuggling up to him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, enjoying his warmth and scent.

"Do you want to talk to me about your dream?" he asked me tracing his fingers slowly up and down my back.

[Seek in dark......]

"I died." I started, "At first, I didn't know it, but then there was this flashback and I saw how I was murdered. Then I saw you and the guys going to the morgue to identify me, which seemed to be narrative; like I was being told how it ended. It was awful."

"At least it was just a dream."

"Yeah, but it felt so real." I paused a moment before finishing. "Heero, what would you do if I died?"

"I don't know." He took a deep breath. "I suppose I wouldn't be able to function. I would mourn your loss too much." He kissed me before finishing. "But that time is a long time from now." He said before he kissed me once more letting it linger for longer.

"I love you, Heero."

"I love you, too."

We nuzzled down into one another tightly. I yawned in the comfort of his arms. "God, my head is killing me."

[Feel my darkness eyes....]