Heero sat on the cockpit floor while awaiting mission orders, the metal plates of the access panel cold against his back. He nervously twirled a leather cord tied around his wrist, around and around and around. He was confused, and for the first time that he could recall, he was frightened. He sought comfort from his friend, his gundam.

"It was the strangest thing, Wing. I'm still not sure how much of it I dreamed, and how much was real. I was asleep when he came into my room and crawled under the sheets. We had sex -- I know that part was real. It was great like it always is, except I told him not to call me by *his* name when we're ... like that. It's not part of what Heero Yuy is about, ne?

"Then he asked me something that took me by surprise. Or at least I think he asked -- it could have been part of the dream. He asked if he could call me 'lover.'

"It's never occurred to me, y'know Wing? How could I possibly love somebody, when I don't even know what love is? Don't you have to give somebody flowers or poems or presents to be in love with them? I've never done any of that. It's just me and Duo.

"Hm? Well, it could have been part of the dream because I started hearing Odin. You remember me talking about him, don't you? Somehow Odin was talking with me -- trying to tell me that I was in love with that baka Duo. In the dream, he told me to live by my emotions, which is exactly what he told me right before he died.

"Trouble is, I don't know how to put labels on my emotions. I don't know what it is I'm feeling. Is it love when you think about somebody a lot? When you feel better when he's in the same room with you? When you dream about him touching you? Is it love when he annoys the hell out of you? Or, when he is the only person in the world who can make you forget all the pain and ugliness?

"Oh, God, Wing. I think I'm in love with Duo Maxwell, and it scares the hell out of me.

"Why? Think about it! We're in the middle of a war. I'm supposed to be bringing down Oz and saving the colony that made you. I don't have time for love. I'm Heero Yuy!

"And then there was the end of the dream, Wing. I haven't told you about that. Just when I thought I would tell Duo that I might love him, he turned into Shinigami. Death, in bed with me. What does that mean? If I love him, will he die? Will I?

"Hn. It's all so mixed up.

"Did I ever tell you that he was part of the Maxwell Church Massacre? The only reason he survived was that he was out of the church trying to steal a mobile suit. Everybody died while he was trying to save them. Yeah. No wonder he sometimes says stuff that makes it sound like he's had a hard life. He has. After all that, I don't know how he could love anybody.

"Maybe that's what the dream meant. Maybe I'm supposed to love him *because* he's Death. Because he needs it.

"So, what do I do now? Do I tell him? I haven't a clue how to do that, either. 'Oh, by the way, baka, I think I might be in love with you.' Not something you drop into the conversation, y'know? What if he doesn't love me back? What if I only dreamed him asking if he could call me his lover?

"And if I do love him, what then? We're gundam pilots! We came to Earth as soldiers, not lovers. We have a mission to complete, duty to uphold. How can I be in love during a war?

"Damn. Fighting battles is a lot easier than this emotional stuff."

"Heero!"

The pilot sat up, straining to hear the voice drifting up from below. "Duo?"

"Can you come down? I wanna talk to you." Duo sounded odd -- serious.

Heero Yuy grabbed the ground cable, and lowered himself easily to the floor. The object of his thoughts stood there, arms akimbo, face troubled. It made Heero even more uneasy.

"I need to talk to you about last night."

Heero nodded and studied the tips of his shoes. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to bring the subject up. "Yeah. Me, too."

Duo crossed his arms and looked to the side, as if afraid to meet Heero's eyes. "I asked you something that I probably shouldn't have."

"So, I didn't dream it. You asked if you could call me lover."

"I'm sorry, Heero. I...."

Heero cut him off. "Before you say anything else, will you let me answer the question?"

Duo shook his head. "No, don't. I shouldn't have asked you. I was only thinking of myself. You know me, always running off at the mouth. We can't...."

"Yes. I mean, you can. I mean...." Hell, just say it! He examined his toes again. "I think I love you," he whispered.

Silence. Silence from Duo. Not good. He dared to look up.

Large violet eyes, suspiciously shiny, met his. Duo stared at Heero, searching his face, and finally gave the barest suggestion of a nod. "I love you, too," he said softly.

"But," he continued on, his voice rough, "I'm sorry, Heero. I can't promise you anything. I was sent to Earth for a purpose -- just like you. I swore I'd be Death for as long as it took to ensure the safety of the colonies. I have to live by that promise. Duty first, y'know." Duo swallowed hard.

Heero didn't know what to say. He was right, of course. It was exactly what he'd been thinking. He just hadn't expected to hear it from Duo.

"I feel terrible." Duo looked away. "I feel like I led you on. I encouraged you, and now...."

"No!" Heero stepped forward and grabbed his love into his arms, holding him tightly. "Don't be sorry. You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do." They held each other for a moment, drawing strength from the contact. When Heero trusted the steadiness of his own voice, he dropped back, keeping his hands on Duo's shoulders.

"You're right, Duo. We are soldiers first. We have battles before us, a war to fight." He took a deep breath, and went on. "But if we both survive, you'd better look for me, because I'll be searching for you. You'll be the first person I want to see when all of this is over. Then we can figure what it means to love each other."

Duo nodded, his face betraying his emotions, as always. So sad. Seeing that expression on Duo made Heero's heart ache.

"And if we run into each other," Duo ventured, hesitatingly, "I mean, if our missions coincide or something, and we happen to be in the same place at the same time?"

"I want to be in your arms." Heero tried for an imitation of Duo's evil grin. "We may be fighting a war, but I'll steal a few hours with you when I can."

"But, duty first," Duo asserted.

Heero nodded. "Duty first."

An electronic beep filtered down to the two pilots, insistent. "Must be the mission orders coming through," Heero said.

"I should go check Deathscythe. There's probably something for me, too." Duo stepped away, but Heero caught his arm. He turned back.

"I love you, Duo Maxwell. Don't ever forget it."

"How could I?" Duo wrapped his arms around his lover and gave him a long, deep kiss. "I love you, too." Heero watched, then, as he turned and walked away.

He didn't look back.

The beeping from Wing's cockpit became more demanding. Heero grabbed the cable and ascended, settling into the pilot's chair. He stared blankly for a moment, ignoring the obnoxious tone.

"I guess I learned more than I expected, didn't I, Wing? I started out wanting to learn about sex, and that baka Duo ended up teaching me how to love. He's some good teacher, my Duo."

He roused himself. "It looks like we have a mission, my friend," he said, and punched the button to receive the transmission.