I let her pull me, not bothering to fight or really show any sort of spirit, like I would have just over five months ago. I was really nothing more than simply a shell of myself nowadays, and that condition had worsened a few weeks ago, when I had officially run out of leads to follow.

Hilde's smile turned down slightly at my complete lack of reaction. Her fingers slipped from my forearm to my hand, grasping it tightly in reassurance -- reassurance from a friend, and nothing more. My hand still in hers, she pulled me down onto a loveseat sofa and stepped away for a minute. Somewhere in my mind, I had realized that she was struggling to act as if I was still the old me, as if I was still smiling and laughing along with her like normal -- it must've been a hard act to keep up.

She returned after a moment with a box wrapped in shiny paper; she pushed it into my hands, which had been resting limply in my lap. "Open it," she smiled somewhat, "You get to open one present on Christmas Eve, so here you go. Merry Christmas, Duo." She sat down beside me as I numbly began to pull at the wrappings of the box.

Hilde took the paper and top of the box as I proceeded to open the package. A hint of a sad smile flickered at the corners of my mouth as I saw what was folded neatly within the flimsy cardboard. A warm black sweater and scarf lie in the box and I pulled them out, looking them over. Hilde had been bothering me about the fact that I hadn't brought any warm clothes with me to L-2, so I guess it only made sense that she had gotten me a coat. I pulled it on, nodding to her faintly in thanks. Had I still been the me from mere months ago, I would've been much louder and more obvious in my honest gratitude.

Now, it was my turn to give Hilde her gift. I had gotten her a pretty necklace at the spaceport back on Earth, shortly after she and Quatre had convinced me to spend the holidays on L-2 with friends, rather than alone with my thoughts -- I don't think they trusted me to be alone at a time like this. I rose from the sofa and stepped over to the tree, picking up a small box wrapped in brown paper. I handed it to her, mumbling a small, sad, "Merry Christmas, Hilde."

She hugged me tightly after she opened the package and saw the shiny bauble within. I could feel her shoulders trembling as I hesitantly lifted my hands to rest at her shoulders. "Thank you, Duo, this is beautiful," she pulled back, smiling almost completely despite the sadness in her eyes. She fastened the silvery chain around her neck.

Hilde stood then, pulling me with her towards the front door of the house. She shrugged on her coat and buttoned it up, "Let's go get somethin' to eat, 'kay, Duo?" I just nodded in response.

We walked together down the sidewalk to a restaurant not far from her house. I was silent the entire time, numb, my mind dwelling on other thoughts...

Well, I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense as to why I'm like this -- all quiet and whatnot. Let me rewind back to five months ago...

Back in the beginning of June, Heero had been sent on a solo mission -- no team, no partners to watch his back. A static-laden status update had been the last anyone had heard from him. I could still remember exactly -- thanks to the many, many times that I had listened to it -- what the message had said.

"June... AC 201... Yuy reporti-- --ission is... go... Won't be abl-- ...update for -- --ile... love you, Duo... over and ou--"

And that was it. Heero had been due back from that mission at the end of two weeks, at the latest, but he had never shown. By the end of the month, he had been reported MIA, missing in action, and I had turned in my Preventers badge. I just couldn't bear to be working there -- especially in the office we had shared -- without Heero around. Just before my computer access had been revoked, I had hacked the Preventer databases and found where Heero's mission had been located. That was my initial lead in my -- at first -- seemingly endless search to find my missing lover.

That, and every following lead, had been a dead end. As each hint to find my Heero grew more and more vague, I began to lose myself. My smile and the glitter in my eyes began to fade as despondency took over. I soon found myself following leads that had barely even a trace of validity -- one of them actually led me to L-1, for fuck's sake.

I had just returned to Earth on another faulty trail, in mid December, when Quatre finally managed to contact me. By then, I had been as I am now -- completely lacking in any sort of life, in any sort of hope or happiness.

Once he finally managed to get me to stay on the line of the vid conversation, Quatre called up Hilde and we had a three way connection. Both of them were clearly worried about me -- they were my two closest friends, after all -- and didn't want me to be alone during the holidays. They had basically tag-teamed me into raising the white flag and agreeing to stay with Hilde for the next few weeks. It wasn't like money was an issue for me, but Quatre had even insisted to buy my shuttle ticked from Earth to L-2 -- it probably was his way of making sure I actually went, rather than just 'agreeing' then blowing them off.

And so I had taken up my already packed duffel and headed back to the spaceport. Hilde picked me up at the L-2 port, and I was to stay with her until at least after New Years. Quatre was going to visit a few days after Christmas -- he would come sooner, but he was swamped with holiday events that he was to host as the CEO of the Winner Corporation.

Part of me felt that it was nice to be settled in the same place for more than a few days, as well as to have the company of my best friend. But equally, if not more, I wanted to be back out there, searching for my missing life partner. I longed for him dearly, needed to find him -- every day I sat around, being watched by my friend's worried eyes, my lover was out there, wherever 'there' was, probably struggling to survive and find his way home again...

Hilde and I sat at one of the back booths of the dimmed restaurant. She tried to get me to join in on a currently one-sided conversation, but I just couldn't bring myself to speak. In the past months, I had taken to drinking to help relax and ease away the troubled thoughts. I knew not to let it escalate into an addiction, but I wouldn't deny that I had quickly grown to desire the haze brought on by the alcohol.

I sipped at the cool glass held between my chilled fingers, half listening to Hilde's small talk. I nodded faintly in thanks when the waitress brought me another round, before taking our orders.

After a while, Hilde reached out and put her hand on my wrist. I lifted my gaze to meet her eyes, questioning. "Duo, can you please put the drink down? Just for tonight? It's Christmas -- you can get wasted every other night... just please... not tonight..." Her bluish stare was pleading, almost teary, and a strong feeling of guilt surfaced just below the numbness. I put the glass down, near the side of the table, before crossing my arms on the table and resting my chin on them, averting my eyes.

"Thank you, Duo..." she murmured quietly.

It was silent for a while, save for the low chatter of other customers, and hum of holiday music. Hilde soon began to talk again, going on quietly about New Years plans, and how seeing Quatre might help cheer me up.

At that, I wanted to shake my head and tell her no. Seeing Quatre wouldn't make me happy, wouldn't even get me to smile. I just wanted to see Heero again, wanted to find him. Nothing would bring me back, except for my lover. I wanted to tell her this truth, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, couldn't get the words to my lips -- I just couldn't bear to hurt her further than I already had by being so closed up.

If I had been a little more aware -- or even with a little less alcohol in my system -- I might've noticed that our food was taking longer than usual to arrive. (During the roughly two weeks that I had been here, we came to this restaurant often.) Hilde had taken my drink -- it had been my third glass, and was still nearly full -- and had finished it by now, so it was understandable that she hadn't noticed either.

A few minutes later, someone -- presumably a waiter -- came and set our plates down in front of us. "Here you go," the person said, and my hazy mind took a few moments to register the voice. The 'waiter' remained there for a few moments, as if expecting something, and before the voice had even registered, I turned to look up at him, wondering why he was still there. As I turned, I had half noticed Hilde's wide-eyed stare -- she looked as if she was seeing a ghost. When I saw the man standing beside our table, my eyes, too, went wide.

"HEERO!!!!!" I flung myself from the booth and right into his arms, nearly knocking him over. His familiar, musky scent instantly filled my nose as his arms locked around my waist. My heart was pounding in my chest and I began to sob, nearly uncontrollably. I had no clue how, Heero was back!!

"You're back...! Heero, you're back!!" I cried into his shoulder, again and again. Distantly, I registered 'aww's and clapping from the restaurant's other patrons and staff.

"I finally found you," Heero breathed, hugging me tighter and swaying us back and forth slowly. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head and I pulled back slightly, pushing myself up and meshing my lips to his in a demanding, longing, heart-felt kiss.

When we broke away, gasping, I managed a trembling, "H-how...?" and he smiled softly, easing us down to sit in the cushioned bench of the booth.

Heero held me tight, and gave a smiling nod to Hilde, who was still shocked beyond belief. He began to tell us all about his half of the past five months. I was so relieved to hear the sound of his voice, to feel him in my arms. "That mission I had been on, five months ago, had gone completely wrong. I had been captured and held hostage for about a month, until I managed to escape. I had to go into hiding though, since those bastards came after me and I couldn't risk getting caught again. I managed to stay safe until I had recovered and my injuries had healed, and I went back to finish my mission.

"I stayed hidden, even after though, just in case they had informed other rebel factions about me. After a few weeks of waiting for things to calm down somewhat, I got a chance to hack into the Preventers database to make sure that those assholes didn't have any known friends. I also checked up on you, to see if I had to wait for you to return from any missions before I tried to find you, but I saw that you had been discharged from service..." his voice faded for a moment, before he asked quietly, "What happened, Duo? Why were you discharged...?"

It took me a minute or two to find my voice, and it was low and scratchy from disuse -- I hardly ever spoke, these past few months. "I-I wasn't discharged... I quit Preventers... I couldn't bear to be there without you... I had to find you..."

Heero's arms held me even tighter, if that was possible, "Gods Duo... I wish I could've found you sooner, or at least contacted you somehow..." Heero paused again, before continuing with his story. "Well... after I saw that on the database, I spent the next three months following your trail. You were so hard to track, never spending more than a few days in one place..."

"I was following every lead I could to find you..." I interrupted, nuzzling my head into his chest.

"Oh Duo... I was right behind you the whole time... Everywhere I went, I was at least two days behind you... I could never catch up. But then, about two weeks ago, you just disappeared."

I was about to say that that was when I came here to L-2, but Hilde spoke up instead, her quiet tone grave. "That's when he came here. Quatre and I managed to convince him that he needed to spend the holidays with friends, rather than alone... We were both really worried that he wouldn't make it past Christmas without you..." I shuddered, knowing she was probably right. The tears resumed their flow as I curled further against Heero, barely biting back a quiet whimper. I was relieved that Hilde had stepped up and told Heero all this, rather than leaving me to say it. "He... he just couldn't cope by the time he got here... T-the Duo we all know just disappeared, gone... and I couldn't figure out how to bring him back. Even my company didn't help at all. He just shut me out... shut out the whole world..."

Heero nuzzled the top of my head, "I'm so sorry, Duo..." His hands rubbed my back gently, as if to reassure me of his presence. After a few minutes of quiet, he looked up again, presumably at Hilde. "Two nights ago, I had a dream about this place, and when I woke up, I just knew that this was where I would find Duo... I looked up where it was, and got on the next shuttle out here." Heero chuckled quietly, and I felt the rumble in his chest, "I actually walked in only a few minutes after you two had, and I made a deal with the staff to let me bring you your food like I did. It's Christmas Eve, after all, so I had to do something special."

"Well it was a good plan," I murmured into Heero's chest, "I missed you so much..."

"I missed you too, Duo. I love you."

I pulled away slightly, looking up at him and smiling in earnest for the first time in five months. "I love you too, Heero. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, love," and he pressed his lips to mine in a tender kiss.